Friday, August 14, 2009

Stand your ground

Bored, and have to spend another hour at work...

Downed HM Thorim this week, bangin head against HM General now. That life leech is killin us.

I suspect that the proc rate on 4 piece tier 8 might have gone up... or RNG is really, really messin with me.


Anyway, lets talk GI JOE.

A lot on the right are up in arms against an american icon getting "multinationalized." I'm sorry... suck it up. It been the way ever since they started givin John Wayne a little native boy as a comic relief/boytoy in war movies. American military movies have always made a point of including other nationalities in our struggles. FFS, we had french and germans fightin alongside us during the revolution.

The problem is that the movie doesnt really acknowledge america as the point nation. And it is idiotic to assume that american special forces would work independent of the american government.

Sigh. I mean, they don't even pick up the big insult... Cobra's big plot is to make the world fall into line behind america.

K, nough politics. Lets see... movie starts with a super secret weapons research plant in central asia. Later on, another one pops up in "east africa." I mean... yeah, that makes sense... weapons are weapons, and you'd make ultra sensitive micro weapons in areas with unreliable electricity, corrupt troops beating up your help, and the occasional explosion. Cuz you know... silicon valley would just be too simple.

Oh yeah.. big shock... the bad guys are the arms dealers. Cuz, you know... guns don't kill people.. people who sell guns to people who kill people kill people. Just think of the profit margin!

I mean... we're talking about the most heavily audited industry on earth. Really... if an evil corporation has to be behind crap, why cant it be microsoft or intel? Hell, they could build a massive secret base under the arctic outta spare change, and noone would notice.

But can you picture the sales pitch to NATO? We're gonna make the most advanced weapons the world has ever seen, and we're gonna make em in a lab directly between China and Russia!

Sigh.. don't even get me started on Marlon Wayans. If I'd known he was in the movie I simply wouldn't have gone. He's Jar Jar Binks given flesh. He's a black Pee Wee Herman, only without the cleverness.

And he gets more time on screen than anyone. BTW... hollywood... if yuir reading... not everyone in a movie needs to get laid. Just sayin.

Then there's the baroness... see, there's this trope. It's kinda seriously racist, but still exists in a bit more sanitized form. See... the baroness in the movie is doin bad things cuz she's brainwashed. But her love for Duke overrides her brainwashing, and she ends up being a hero...

Back in the day, a lotta b grade movies and stories had this semi porno plot... american guy gets captured by evil foreigner, evil foreigner's daughter falls under the spell of american... um... "mojo..." and then helps american escape, betraying her father and people...

How idiotic is this? Reference the greek story of Medea sometime to see what greeks thought of this behavior.

Anyway, old school flash gordon? Ming was too busy trying to rape a white woman to notice his daughter puttin out to flash.

I mean... really racist. Sigh. But along with this is the assumption of pure and innocent women... who can't possibly work with terrorist organizations.. they must be "brainwashed." And would willingly swap sides the minute Mr. Right showed up.

Is it too much to ask for a bellatrix? A white witch? A paris hilton? K.. maybe not that evil. But still... and maybe a more cohesive motivation?

Remember annikin skywalker's politics... "the strong must take charge to reduce chaos!"

Yep.. that's cobra's motive.

It really really didnt have to be this way. I can think up a dozen ways to spiff up both GI Joe and Cobra... and have the movie a crapload more interesting. You spend $175 million on a movie... drop a few hundred thou on writers, ffs.

Oh and snake eyes' mask was hideous.

3 comments:

Dorgol said...

I enjoyed the Joe movie.

When viewed as a comedy, it's pure gold (or at least tarnished copper...)!

Shy said...

You might know this already, but this information made it so we could finally do the HM Vezax.

Life Leech is a cone, from the boss to you in straight line, and then from you onwards in a conal shape.

Person with life leech needs to do turn around, and run straight away from the boss. If there are then no other people in that cone anymore he can simply turn around and still dps.

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