Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Well, they blew up the chicken man in philly last night

The in-game wedding was a lotta fun. Afterwards, we went skydiving from the dal sewers...

I have modest goals for this blog. More or less... post once a week. More if I have to vent or something. It's kinda busy at work right now, so I've been slacking

Majeure has become quite the achievement whore. Goddamn it. I needa new addiction like I need another hole in my privates. (Don't ask.)

So... despite the whole "this issa mage blog" thing, I really need to do a shammy post. Later.

Today... Ripper went to the fountain of stupid and got wet. And I gotta correct him.

Look, Ripper. Itsa freaking Keanu Reeves movie. I mean really. Didn't he get kicked outta the church of scientology for excessive crazy?

It's also a propaganda piece for the environmentalist movement. You know, that whole group of people that want folks to only use one sheet of toilet of paper per visit to the bathroom? Virgin forests? I assure you... those are slut trees and they had it coming.

The great Quentin Tarentino was once criticized that his movies had gratuitous violence. He replied that condemning his movies for excessive violence was like condemning pr0n for excessive sex.

Condemning a Keaun Reeves environmentalist movie for excessive stupidity is pretty much the same thing.

And here's my think about why science fiction these days is slowly turning into freaking garbage.

(WARNING! MAY CONTAIN CRITICISMS ABOUT STAR TREK AND STAR WARS! IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT, GO UPSTAIRS AND ASK YOUR MOTHER TO HUG YOU TILL THE SHAKING GOES AWAY)

I still can't write about the clusterf$ck that was Battlestar Galactica. I mean... that ending...

But there has been a trend in Sci Fi over the last few decades in which the Frankenstein's monster argument predominates. New technologies? Evil corporations and governments will use them to screw us all. Aliens? Cuddly hyper moral beings here to correct us.

What, they're shooting at us? That just shows how cuddly and hyper moral they are!

Sci Fi has moved on from the concept of evil. This is why Sci Fi is dying. This is why fantasy is beating the crap outta sci fi. This is why the blockbuster movies are things like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and various super hero movies. Cuz the first story ever told was about a guy who stood up, said "this ain't right," and went off to kick ass.

Sci Fi can't tell that story anymore. These days its all about trying to understand why the tentacle monster has such horrible sexual hang ups. And feeling its pain.

OK... maybe that wouldn't be such a bad movie idea...

But sometimes bug eyed monsters just need to be killed. Sometimes it really is just about US vs THEM. Independence Day anyone? Star trek lost it when... well, when they decided that William Shattner was the greatest martial artist in human history. That's why Matrix was so great, and Matrix 3 was crap.

Matrix... "we've been slaves all this time and didn't know it! TIME TO BREAK SHIT!"

Matrix 3... "actually... this whole slave crap is not so bad, as long as *we* get to live in Zion and crash the matrix fer babes and parties every so often..."

To quote Rorschach.. never compromise.. not even in the face of apocalypse!

BTW, heres an awesome Alan Moore link.

A friend of mine once spent 30 minutes bitching about how terrible the recent war of the worlds remake was. And the upshot of it was all about how much of a coward Tom Cruise was.

The original story was a fable of colonialism. About what would happen if aliens tried to colonize England like England was colonizing other lands. (Hence the part about alien farms "watered" by the blood of the natives... englishmen for once, instead of asians or africans) The response... mindless, ferocious resistance. No matter how superior the aliens' technology was. NO SURRENDER. Read the damn book.

Radical environmentalism is a sick joke. It is a response to the rapid pace of technological change... basically (as the old joke about conservatives goes) standing atop the turning world shouting "STOP!"

The word "terraforming" has been lost. For thousands of years, we've been moving rivers, leveling forests, growing forests, and radically changing local fauna and flora in order to make the world more habitable by ever increasing numbers of humans. As Heinlein one wrote... "every time the human race has been faced with the choice between becoming less promiscuous or more resourceful... they choose the latter."

I mean really... in a coupla hundred years... we'll be able to turn the sahara into green fields. We'll be able to make new island paradises like Hawaii and Bermuda. Replace the Amazon rainforest overnight.

Canada will probably stay frozen and boring tho. I don't expect miracles.

So... what exactly is the point of the modern environmentalist movement? As ripper points out... movies like TDTESS and The Day After Tomorrow are based on such flawed science that even science fiction fans won't buy it.

Yeah, that's Kirk's real hair. Whatever. But I'm not buying this whole "world freezing because of global warming" crap!

Anakin became Darth Vader because he missed his mommy? mmmkay... Dude stops wind up watches because that kind of technology threatens the environment? No way...

Why did we lose faith in progress? Why do we pay attention to nutjobs telling us the world is gonna end in.. oh, say, 50 years without thinking... "well, by that time, I'll be immortal, have a harem filled with sexy cylons, and the human race will have started building its third earth.. a paradise with no Canada."

So, to summarize Ripper... why are you complaining? You really expected the movie to make some kinda sense? Here's a project for you... netflix the original TDTESS and The Thing. Both came out the same year (1951.) Compare and contrast the attitude of each movie towards both the military, and scientists.

Note how in both movies scientists conspire with aliens against the human race, but in TDTESS, this is presented as a noble action, whereas in The Thing, it's seen as treason...

Oh yeah... here's a star trek link...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've read this blog for a while and I think most of what you have written is pretty damn hilarious but that was just, hands-down, a fantastic post.

Silk

euripedes said...

Science fiction is, by far, my favorite genre.

It's like WoW. I complain, criticize, and QQ about changes that are made, and changes that should be made, not because I hate the game, but because I love it.
I don't want to see it suck, I want to see it be awesome.

Honestly, I expected the movie to be a cliched mess that manages to lose its central message in a torrent of bad writing.
Which is basically what happened.

But that doesn't mean I shouldn't criticize!
It just means half my review was finished before I saw the movie.

Anonymous said...

Love your blog, love your links and your writing style. Wish you wrote more! Say hello to a fellow Hoofer sometime (a wave would suffice, as I'm on the "wrong" side).

Adamantite and Tamarlane

Anonymous said...

I kinda have been expecting this in a way...
But I reali dun think da world is going to end...start a new era maybe but the world is not ending.
That's not gonna happen till a thousand years later! Ok, I'm not sure bout that either but that's not the point! The world's not gonna end! Full stop!
[url=http://2012earth.net
]Apocalypse 2012
[/url] - some truth about 2012

Anonymous said...

Not sure where to post this but I wanted to ask if anyone has heard of National Clicks?

Can someone help me find it?

Overheard some co-workers talking about it all week but didn't have time to ask so I thought I would post it here to see if someone could help me out.

Seems to be getting alot of buzz right now.

Thanks