From the halls of montezuma to the shores of Tripoli...

So anytime someone asks me what my plus healing is... I can just link em the drake. Ima now inna leet group. Tho Megs, dearest... if you can heal arena to a title, heroic strat is nuttin (you run, damage comes from every direction, you heal). CoT Strat is no real test of yuir uberness...

Love the Corps. Not to suggest that my l33tness is anyway shape or form like theirs... but it kinda felt like it for a sec after I won the mount. I think I mentioned a while back that my friend Bruce came to visit for thanksgiving. And I gotta coupla stories on that. But for this one, well, Bruce is ex-navy. And thus, has a low opinion of the Corps. Since he was stationed on a vehicle landing craft, he spent a ton of time around em...

"So, you got this big floating hotel. With fresh food, cable tv, and air conditioning. And you leave it to walk through mud and get shot at... how smart is that?"

"Well, Bruce, you got me there... OTOH, Air Force, you sleep in your own bed at night, and theres tons of bars next door when you get off shift."

"Im talking REAL MILITARY, GODDAMIT!"

Bruce was also quite talkative, since they declassified some of his commendations... I might tell those stories later. (BTW... I never question Bruce's stories. He is the most frighteningly competent human being I have ever met.)

It started off kinda easy.. me and my tank chillin...

J: "I'm bored."
Me: "yeah."
J: "Wanna do something?"
Me: "Yeah, but where am I gonna get a dead mime and 7 gallons of smooth peanut butter this time of day?"
J: "... how about running timed strat?"

So, since I still need my pants outta there, it was settled... J posted LFG, asking for more with the caveat that "delusions of dps need not apply..."

Um.. later on we went to Naxx. Now, at this point, the guild has two tanks (the DK is now ready for prime time... and managed to suck up patchwerk's hateful bolts like a pro. Plus, that death grip is awesome for "you got adds" duty. Tho I must admit I was a little freaked the first time I got "You haz Aggro" message, only to see a mob fly by my face to the waiting DK)

However... we short decent dps. How short? Well... melvin got an invite to come.

Now, see... there was a little bit of a brain fart involved with this. There's this guy named Jae. Who, like most of us, has sacrificed his soul and life to the game and thus knows how to play. (The tragedy of Melvin is that he sacrificed his soul and life, and doesn't know how to play. Kinda like selling your soul for a 15% off coupon on purchase of $30 or more at Bed Bath and Beyond...)

Jae knows Melvin. Actually... I got Melvin into the game, Melvin got Magebert (his brother), and Magebert got Jae. Jae and Melvin hang out every time Melvin goes to visit his brother.

Jae is running a ret pally these days. And we were short a healer for Naxx, so Jae offered to respec holy. Again, Jae knows how to play, and has a 70+ priest. So he can heal. However, our well geared holy pal logged on, and suddenly we didnt need a healer. So, instead of bumping Melvin, the group decided to bump Jae. Cuz, you know we didn't need another healer, even tho he was still ret. I'm sorry if this is confusing, but again, Brain Fart.

Melvin lagged behind both tanks in dps for the night. (Tho he did get the safety dance achievement!) However...

Well, in the Untouchables, Sean Connery's character has a great line...

"Just like a whop, bringing a knife to a gun fight!"

Never bring Melvin to a dps fight. Specifically Loatheb. That was where the guild stopped for the night. If you dont know Loatheb... during the fight, dps gets +50% crit, and no threat. Even with this, Melvin couldnt break 1400dps. He was below 1k the rest of the night. Um... he's still wearing level 70 glad gear... he has less than 950 spellpower and less than 12% crit. And no mana pool. And he's a fire mage.

Now, Ima bit of a bastard, so I thought maybe, if you question my Melvin stories, you might be interested in what Jae has to say...

jae: "THEY TOOK MELVIN! INSTEAD OF ME! AND HE SUCKS!

me: "yeah, and a ret pally really would have been useful... divine storm and replenishment really help with Loatheb..."

jae: "He SUCKS! I do THREE TIMES his damage!"

me: "yeah, it was one of those weird things, tons of plate dps and tanks, but no real cloth.."

jae: "WTF?"

Jae is quite a bit miffed. However, I doubt Melvin is getting another invite chance. Sunday we went for part two, and dropped Loatheb and Patchwerk. And no one, but no one, wants Melvin in the group for Patchwerk. Yay guild! 7 bosses down!