Monday, March 24, 2008

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

Damn right!

Rules of life.

Rule the first. Other people's french fries always taste better.

Rule the second. The world is filled with people that take something like rule the first and garble it into garbage like "the grass is always greener on the other side..."

What the hell does that even mean? Everyone understands french fries. Green grass? A waste of katsup if you ask me. The whole point of eating someone's french fries is the look in their face. "I drink your milkshake!" Except who the hell wants to drink after someone else? I mean, one of the creepiest scenes in movie history is Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction, eating the hamburger and drinking the "tasty beverage" of those kids. You KNEW he was gonna kill em after that. But you get the idea. French fries = good. Grass = weird. Milkshake = tasty, but kinda kinky ina queesy way.

Rule the third. When she says it's not you, it's me.... it's you. It couldn't be more you. When they say its not the money, its the principle... it's all about the benjamins. Grab your wallet and hang on. And when Blizz announces a buff fer your favorite class... grab your ankles.

So they gonna shrink shammy fury to 15 seconds? Oh lovely. The only chance in hell enhance shammies had in pvp was that 30 seconds of extreme damage mitigation. Our own little pain supression. For 30 seconds, we take damage like a.. well not a prot pally. But like a ret pally with a 2 hander. Now its only gonna be 15 seconds. Cuz enhance shammies are just that OP I suppose. I really doan understand all this...

So I finally PUG'd Old Hillsbrad with unbound. 70 shammy with crap gear, 70 lock, 70 mage, 66 prot warrior and 66 resto druid.

Why tell you guys? Cuz itsa Pug. What was Tolstoy's dictum? All happy families are alike, all dysfunctional families are unique.... each pug is it's own hell.

The warrior had no clue... unbound ended up as off tank keeping crap offa the damn healer. Ya know this warrior... great on one target, not a frikkin brain in his head otherwise. Group had me marking... so I mark a dog/rifleman pat. Sheep rifleman, beat on dog. Cept druid sleeps the dog, and the warrior tries to pull the rifleman. Sigh. Realizing that the rifleman wasn't gonna move... the warrior walks up and starts whaling on him. Rifleman runs back, pulling 5 more mobs into fight.

These are basics... if ya doan know how to pull, whatever the class... doan get into groups. LOS pulls are pretty freaking remedial. It got so bad, I started pulling myself... earth shock, and run the mob right over the damn warrior... and wait for the fool to figure it out.

The 70 lock was affliction. Ima beginning to suspect that affliction locks are another varient of ret pally. What the hell are they gonna do BUT dot everything up? Including the damn CC targets? Oh... and he SS'ed the Druid, not the shammy. Even after the druid TOLD him to SS the shammy.

The mage was decent... well... no he wasn't except by comparison. Deep arcane, stuck to fireballs. Level 70, without the level 65 water. Still, he kept the sheep up, and didn't pull aggro. And when we did last battle, he understood what I was talking about when I told him the two of us were on spell casters first.

Druid was ok... kept us alive, and I wouldnt mind grouping with him again. He was quite fond of me at the end, since I'd pull aggro offa him instead of waiting on tank to do it... and healed him a coupla times when he needed it.

Some tips... I really like the last fight in Old Hillsbrad. A mage or shammy really can solo those dragon casters... shammies especially, since between grounding totem and earth shock, the caster has no chance. Same with mages and CS. Throw in frost build and ice barrier... easy easy. With just two melee dragons on the tank, itsa lot easier for the healer and off dps.

Elemental and blood lust make for a hellova lot more fun in boss fights. I loved how the tank was completely useless after I popped blood lust... he couldn't keep up with anyone's aggro at that point, and had to start getting really... proactive, instead of just auto sundering his way through the match...

More shammy fun. Unbound is queen of the ogres... unfortunately... since she still has a butt load of quests in blades edge, including one that entails killing 30 ogres...

They wouldn't mind would they?

Of course not! Of course, if they were truly loyal to queen unbound, they'd line up and cut their own throats for her, instead of making her get all hot and sweaty smackin em down. Some quotes...

"Me killed by Queen Unbound! What an honor!"
"Queen Unbound... is there really... an ogrila?"
"You were a terrible queen... unbound..."

I killed that last ogre way too quickly.

Stupid ogres... If unbound is their queen, why do they attack her when shesa mining? It's her ore by divine right of ogre queens! Same thing with looting those beer barrels. I doan kill enough of em.

One cute thing... I was smacking one of my devoted followers into compliance when three allies decided to gank the lonly shammy...

So I run into a pack of ogres, while being chased by a pet... dead pet. And the allies got too close...
/heal shammy
/heal shammy

Lets see how long it takes em to realize how screwed they are... the warrior is tanking the original five... the hunter and priest keep on me, and I run them into three more... then I turn and smack down the priest. Feign death aint gonna help you hunter, the ogres are just gonna stand on you... warrior has no heals and goes down... and I just sit there on toppa the hunter laughing, and waiting for him to figure out ima onto his game.

I loves my ogres.


Anonymous said...

Wow, awesome story. I had no idea the ogres would rise up and defend you! But then, I'm not on a PvP server. Alas. I did know about the cute death messages of your followers, though, because I hate soloing and never did the Kill 30 Ogres quest until long after I became king.

Hooray for patch day, btw...where's our dang Enhance PvP buff? No more MS Flametongue, so it looks like we got a whole lotta nothin'.


Brandon Tilley said...

What an awesome story. Especially regarding the fries and the grass.

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Anonymous said...

I share a love-hate relationship with digital memory because of the way prices are always,and I mean always falling. I hate buying SD Cards for my R4 / R4i at (seemingly) a bargain price only to see it become 10% cheaper a couple of months later.

(Posted by NETP for R4i Nintendo DS.)