I try to be original...

But I'm boring. So the hell with it. Ima gonna shamelessly steal stuff.

Like this...

Pardon me if this column seems to lack any flow or direction. I was quite distracted Sunday while watching all of the NFL action.

I've moved into a new neighborhood and the local kids keep telling me that every year around this time all the homes are invaded by some fat, costumed freak. Apparently he's been doing it for years. Well, not anymore. Not in my house at least.

I spent most of the day barricading all of my doors, but I hear he likes to enter through the chimney. So I'm keeping a huge fire going in my fireplace. And underneath the fire? A bear trap. If somehow he still manages to get in, I've left out some milk and cookies. (Supposedly this lardo has quite the appetite.) But I've laced them with rat poison.

Then I moved on to the socks. The rumor is this guy likes to put things inside children's socks. Well, if he does that at my place, he's in for a surprise. One sock I left out is full of vipers. The other? Another bear trap (a smaller one that I use to trap baby bears).

So I feel like I'm ready. I just wish the realtor had mentioned this about the neighborhood before I moved in. Anyway, here are …

12 Things I Think I Thought While Preparing To Kill Santa Claus

12. Is it a bad sign when you lead a charge to get the flag back in WSG, /yell "to the roof!" and then see the rest of em go straight to the flag room leaving you alone with the flag carrier and his 3 evil looking warlock bodyguards?

11. What the hell is the point of AFK stealthing right next to a GY flag?

10. Is it bad form to mock people who post "Just need tank and healer for ZA run?"

9. Why do people always talk about online economies being ruined by prices being moved up? Nuttin wrong with the economy, just with yuir cheapness. Monopolies are part of the fun. If you lack the spirit to go into business to break him, its all on you. (BTW... it's not that hard, and very profitable to crush the would be monopolists... it just takes time and wits.)

8. Did WSG monday... mabd lost three in a row, with the allies capping before the horde could get more than 6 players. This happens all the damn time in BG's... WTH blizz?

7. Played Unbound the 66 enhance shammy in baby BG's. A ton of fun... won't work past 70 tho, cuz I shudder to think what happens to all my "on a crit strike" talents when my 20% crit ass attacks a 400 resil toon. Still, mega fun at this level...

6. Do not run into that cramped horde tower, little mabd. Doan do it... doan do it! Why look, a warrior, how did you know?

5. Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a paypal for WoW gold or honor?

4. My dad worked on XMas eve and Xmas day. My dad is 61. I doan know how I feel about this.

3. My brother didn't. I KNOW how I feel about THAT.

2. My 3v3 team holy pal wants to "be more aggressive" in Arena. To "take advantage of his dps and stuns." Sometimes, ya just gotta stare at the booze in the glass til the world starts makin sense.

1. The adventures of team melvin. Team melvin had a shadow priest. A RL friend of melvin and company. Anyway, palmy the s priest is a grad student... and is gonna fail unless he starts getting crap done. So he gave the account to his brother... who promptly transferred palmy to another server to play with friends. Anyway, this lasted two weeks. Palmy is back under original ownership, and in two months will return to lightninghoof.

So my question.

What do you say to someone who is letting the game ruin his life?