Monday, October 1, 2007

Me and melvin...

I've led a weird damn life.

And yesterday, I just came to the realization that I'm frikkin old.

I was watching Moonlight, the latest vampire private detective series... (decent... Romantic drama sorta thing... stalker vampire with haunted past and a internet media chick with daddy issues...)

Anyway, flashback time. The show cuts to "22 years ago..."

And I'm like... damn, that's quite some time ago.

Then the flashback hits... "1985"

And I'm officially freaked. Cuz I was sexually active then. (barely, and I doan wanna talk about it...) So... it really couldn't have been THAT long ago, right?

Crap, I'm old.

So I've know some weird damn people. I mentioned Lonnie, who cut himself... but thing to know, if ya ever go drinking with me... all I got is stories. Stories bout the damaged people I've known. And the point is... we're all damaged. We're all n00bs. There is, for any person, a stupid moment in your life every so often. The frequency of these moments really says nothing. Some people just play it safe, and others just refuse to damn learn anything.

I knew a serial killer. Good friend, actually. We were co-workers. I know really smart, educated people who write books. I know a teamster with only a high school education who is probably the most centered person I've ever met...

I have six degrees. I used to run a 24 hour liquor store. I used to work for a civil rights activist. I know people...

Melvin is a friend. I care for him deeply. Sometimes he buys me lunch :) And once upon a time, he saved my life. Well, not him personally, but the crash cart at the hospital he rushed me to. You understand if I give him some credit on that anyway...

Melvin is a complete and perpetual n00b. When it comes to farming, or battlegrounds... he knows all there is to know. When it comes to actually playing the damn game, he's hopeless.

We were running kara friday. Our pally off tank had to leave after opera. So we got a fury warrior to replace him. I was estatic.

k... side note.

I posted my concerns about the pally off tank to the guild web site.

Me: "Guys... can we do something bout S? He only has 9k health, and he's off tanking..."
Guild: "He's a prot pally... you don't understand all that that requires..."
Me: "He only has 9k health... that's not enough.. he crumples faster than a folding chair at a weight watchers meeting...."
Guild: "Well there are other stats just as important... defense, dodge..."
Me: "9k health! Has anyone checked armory to see if we can set him up with enchants? I can't cuz I'm at work right now..."
Guild: "And then there's +spell damage... no, really, protect pallies are special special creatures... like unicorns! We can't possibly suggest any changes to him!"
Me: Looks up S on armory...
Me: Logs on... "S, dude, looked ya up on arm... you really need that helm buff outta Caverns of time... help some with +def. Also, here's 50g to help pay for it. Also, you need the clefthoof patch for those pants... M said he'd make it, I sent him some mats to help... also... you wanna +18 sta enchant on that shield?"
S: "G, thanks!"

So... S had to go, and we get a fury warrior with 11k health to replace him as off tank. Lotsa capacity to suck up them hateful bolts...

And during the run to cur, Melvin keeps /w me... "This is a mistake! We don't need another tank for this! Most guilds run with just one!"

The fury off tank beat mel on the DM. AND sucked up all them bolts like a champ!

Oh yeah, Mabd, she of the green gear, was tops by a big margin in the DM... which was unfair to the fury warrior, boomkin and shadow priest, since the boomkin had to off heal a few times, and thus was gimped, and the fury warrior and shadow priest joined late. But I still beat Melvin, Magebert, and another guild mage by a big margin... the other guild mage was tied with Melvin and Magebert... with much crappier gear. Something is flipping wrong there. AND the wonder twins had that sweet sweet boomkin caster aura...

Sigh... and the other melvin story.

We're doin arena. And mel has his elemental shammy in. AND for the 5 millionth time I ask... "Are you SURE you can't cast blood lust in arena?"

First game... no blood lust.

"So you CAN'T cast it?"

"Oh, I was stun locked the entire battle!"

Next game. I wait till battle starts. Then scream over vent... "BLOOD LUST NOW!"

We get blood lust. All this damn time fighting without a 30 second, +30% attack speed buff.... I could strangle him.

BTW.. it's official. The guild has told me that I sound like Sam Kinneson over vent. Jeez...


Anonymous said...

Oh lord, please don't encourage the clowns who are biased against pally tanks. I'm 501 Def, 93% uncrushable (and climbing) and I was invited to a BM PUG and then kicked (before zoning in or doing, well, anything) because the guy running it wanted a warrior. You know what? Send "LF Warrior for BM" to the LFG channel then, not "LF Tank". I've already tanked BM twice in worse gear than I have now, plus I can control every last add by consecrating between the portals and Moroes.

He was still "/3 LF Tank to roll on BM" thirty minutes later when I zoned in to Mech with guildies instead, so I guess I got the last laugh, but it's still annoying.

Ironically, I was trying to go to BM to get Revered and get that helm enchant you recommended to your prot pally (and the Timewarden's Leggings, they both come at Revered). I'll be looking for another group today, trying to get that gear.

Anyway, I really enjoy the blog, especially the Melvin stories. Please just don't encourage the bozos.

Anonymous said...

Medivh, not Moroes, my bad. I've tanked Moroes too, though - with worse gear than I have now. ;)

Nifen said...

I'm a paladin tank too, and we do have to deal with a lot of crap, but he's right to call out a guy with 9k health. Paladin tanks do have to work much harder to get geared up for raid tanking than a warrior, but that's part of our existence. Getting 10k health unbuffed is very much in reach for a paladin tank new to Kara, and someone who wants to tank should be serious about making it as hard to be killed as he can.

ArmsandFury said...

He knew me too! I never get a shout out!

I am worried that once Herk hits 70 and starts Arena that I may get too many tho...

the negative kind!

ArmsandFury said...

BTW, the only thing he can say about me is that I got a lot of ladies without having bar soap in the bathroom >.<

oooo and that whole "Natural" gamer comment... which I took back.

Mera said...

Nice explanation of bits of your life -- you feeling OK?

Normally I only ever do that when Im depressed :(